Imagine being marooned on a deserted island.

In the movie Cast Away, Tom Hanks plays FedEx executive Chuck Noland. During a storm, his plane goes down somewhere in the South Pacific. Everyone else is killed, and Chuck finds himself alone on an uncharted island. Fortunately, FedEx packages wash up on the beach, meeting his basic needs for food, water, and fire.

But he soon finds out that survival has a relational component, too. 

Chuck becomes so lonely, so desperate for relationship, that he paints a face on a volleyball and names it Wilson. For the next four years, he communicates his hopes and dreams and fears to a white ball named Wilson. 

Without someone to talk to (even an inanimate object), Chuck would’ve gone insane or given up. Please understand just how powerful this basic need is. 

Energy-giving Relationships are Key

In fact, energy-giving relationships are an important key to replacing retirement with intentional living. Life is a series of relationships, from casual to long-term. Personally, I’m not a Facebook user. I’m not against social media or technology, but I’m not eager to spend time maintaining a network of shallow relationships at the expense of deeper, meaningful friendships.  

I’ve maintained a few friends from my youth, but most of my relationships today are post-college, and came about because of marriage or business. I have been blessed over the years to develop more than my share of valuable relationships, both inside and outside of my company. Lately, I’ve been considering the idea of writing a book specifically on how to develop deep, lasting, and meaningful relationships with the kind of people who can improve and enhance our lives.  

This subject is tricky — I don’t want to sound like I’m in favor of exploiting relationships or making friends for personal gain. Not at all. I simply wish to share a process I’ve worked on for many years based on the indisputable fact that growing and expanding meaningful relationships is essential for a successful life. This amazing journey we are graced to be enjoying was never meant to be taken solo. Of course, I also enjoy times of solitude, but I intuitively know that life is better and richer when the journey is taken with someone else by my side.  

The Character of our Companions Matters

Relationship building begins early in life as we (hopefully) learn to determine which friends will help us and which will harm us. Having experienced both good and bad outcomes, I began pursuing people with character qualities and personal attributes that could improve my station in life. 

Please note, this did not require the other person to do anything specifically for me. I assumed that simply by spending time with the right people and gleaning how they approached life, some of their success would rub off on me. And it did!

Their character and accomplishments inspired me to improve my position in life. As I grew older and more enthusiastic about improving my mind, I surrounded myself with others equally committed to lifelong learning and personal growth. I strategically associated with entrepreneurs and thought leaders, reading what they read and observing how they viewed the world. As I spent time around financially (and spiritually) successful people, I realized there was no difference between them and me — except that they had already achieved the lifestyle I was aspiring to. 

Giving Value Before Asking for Anything

When I was 30, I set my first BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) to become one of the most networked people in Greater Detroit by age 45. To jumpstart this, I joined all kinds of networking and business community programs, and founded the Detroit Chapter of the Entrepreneurs Organization in 1996. 

I reached out to leaders and found them surprisingly receptive to meeting with me. My approach was simple, and I’ve basically followed it for 40 years. I used my experience and accomplishments as a business card so they knew I wasn’t a “tire kicker” but a fellow entrepreneur with much in common. Early in my career, I would reference working for IBM. This implied creditability like working at Google or Microsoft does today. At my initial meeting, I focused on promoting a cause, organization, or idea while avoiding promoting myself directly. Afterwards, I followed up by creating value for the person I met with (providing a connection, a resource, or at minimum a handwritten thank-you note). My philosophy was and is to always give value before asking for anything in return.    

Invest in Relationships for the Long-term

Another cornerstone of relationship building is long-term investing. I believe relationships take time and require a multi-year investment of value creation before bearing fruit. It may be 10 years before tangible value blossoms. This growth metaphor illustrates that relationships take time to harvest and require patience.

People on their deathbeds almost universally regret not spending more time with the people they care about. This confirms that “relationships matter.”

Even if you’re not stranded on a deserted island.