Trust

Trust is a word we use often. But can you actually define it? 

According to Webster’s dictionary, it’s a firm belief in the reliability of someone or something. But that barely scratches the surface. To some, trust simply means confidence. To others, it goes far deeper — an assurance of strength rooted in the character and integrity of an individual. 

How do you define trust?

In my business coaching practice, I often refer to Patrick Lencioni’s book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. In it, he references a hierarchy of behaviors that are founded in trust. For example, “Trust is knowing that when a team member pushes you, they're doing it because they care about the team.” I agree that most successes, failures, and accountability problems are related to trust — or lack of it.  

I recommend Patrick’s book, but it left me looking for a more targeted definition.   

Stephen M.R. Covey (son of Dr. Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) wrote The Speed of Trust. In it, he dives deep into the details and nuances of trust — and what it means in application.   

Trust is Built on Character and Competence

Covey breaks trust into two distinct components: Character and Competence. (In short, character is about integrity and intent, competence is capabilities and results.) Working with leadership teams, I’ve sat in on many discussions about problems or failures within an organization. Inevitably, the conversation drives to the individual who was either directly or indirectly responsible for the result. 

As the conflict becomes heated, the person responsible often feels that their character is being called into question. As a result, they take the challenge personally and feel threatened. In reality, the critique is usually about results — either theirs or their team’s. Instead of character issues, it’s usually about what Covey defines as a “a lack of results or a capability deficiency.” 

This seemingly minor nuance makes a huge difference! 

Precisely when the team should be leveraging trust and having constructive conflict to improve results, the dialog goes off the tracks. Even worse, teams may end the critical discussion to avoid hurting a teammate’s feelings. 

As leaders, we’re often required to challenge our peers with the intent of getting to the root of a failure. That’s business. But why is it so messy and overly emotional?

Conflict Can be Necessary and Healthy

Some of the drama comes from a societal view that “all conflict is bad” and should be avoided. But that only guarantees more failure. If we avoid addressing inappropriate behavior, or fail to determine the root cause of organizational breakdown, we are enabling bad outcomes to continue. 

By not addressing issues, we begin a slow, slippery slide towards dependency and mediocrity. Our silence gives tacit approval. Another reason we avoid constructive conflict is our own insecurity or lack of self-trust. In his book, Covey defines the five levels of trust. Called “The Five Waves of Trust,” they emanate like ripples from the center outwards. They are: 1) Self Trust, 2) Relationship Trust, 3) Organizational Trust, 4) Market Trust, and 5) Societal Trust.  

At the center and core of these waves is Self-Trust.  

Understanding Self-Trust

The phrase “you must give trust to earn trust” assumes we have self-trust to begin with! When I was younger, I didn’t. I broke commitments all the time. Friends and media bolstered my idea that keeping commitments was more conditional than mandatory. This faulty belief warped my sense of right and wrong.  

I had lost faith in myself. On top of that, I had no relationship with a higher power to seek guidance and strength.

(Re)Establishing Self-Trust

Fortunately, I ultimately reestablished self-trust in two steps: First, by creating a map to determine where I was headed. Second, by developing a character compass to help me navigate the journey daily.  

Once I knew where I was going (and envisioned what it would look like when I arrived), I proceeded to create daily alignment with healthy habits to ensure I was headed in the right direction each morning. I would be remiss not to share that all this was planted in the rich foundation of my spiritual transformation. In 2013, I had an artist create a visual representation of my personal Legacy Map. In the center of this graphic representation of my life’s journey is the verse, “A man’s heart plans the way, but the Lord directs his steps” (Proverbs 16:9). 

That proverb still represents the center point of my vision board, essentially where the compass needle rests for balance.  

Covey calls self-trust “our ability to set and achieve goals, to keep commitments, to walk our talk — and to inspire trust in others.” He adds, “The whole idea is to become, both to ourselves and to others, a person who is worthy of trust.”

To do that, you must go beyond merely identifying an idealized virtue like trust as a way to enhance your personal and business life. You must take repeated action. Disciplined daily habits will move you closer to your goal of greater self-trust — the foundation for building trust in any relationship, family, or organization.